The Surprising Way Pain Can Point You to What Matters Most

Amanda Wilson · 2026-10-27

When was the last time you sat with your discomfort instead of running from it? I'm not talking about wallowing or getting stuck. I mean truly, compassionately being present with that ache in your chest or that knot in your stomach. It's hard, right? But here's the thing: when we stop fighting our pain, something shifts. We start to hear what it's trying to tell us. Diana Hill, a psychologist and author, has spent years exploring this idea. She says that when we take the time to be truly, compassionately present with our discomfort, we can connect with what we care about most—and we can start to imagine creative ways we might act on that care. That's a mouthful, but it's also a game-changer. Because pain isn't just something to fix or numb. It's a signal. Think about it. When you feel lonely, what is that telling you? Maybe it's pointing to your need for connection. When you feel anxious about a project, could it be showing you that you care deeply about doing good work? When you feel that tightness in your shoulders after a long day, might it be nudging you to slow down and take care of yourself? ### The Invitation to Listen Instead of pushing the discomfort away, what if we got curious? What if we asked, "What is this pain asking of me?" That's not easy. Our default is to distract ourselves—scroll, snack, binge-watch. But those things only temporarily silence the signal. The pain comes back. And it will keep coming back until we listen. Diana Hill suggests that being present with our pain is an act of compassion. It's saying to ourselves, "I see you. I hear you. You're not alone." And from that place of tenderness, we can start to move toward what matters. Maybe that means reaching out to a friend. Maybe it means finally signing up for that pottery class. Maybe it means setting a boundary that feels scary but necessary. > "Pain is not the enemy. It's a messenger. And when we listen, it can lead us to our deepest values." This isn't about glorifying suffering or pretending everything happens for a reason. It's about acknowledging that our pain often carries wisdom. It shows us where we need to grow, what we need to heal, and what we truly care about. And when we connect with that care, we find the motivation to act—not out of fear, but out of love. ### A Practice for the Brave So here's a simple practice. The next time you notice discomfort—whether it's emotional or physical—try this: - Pause. Take a few slow breaths. - Put a hand on your heart or wherever you feel the sensation. - Gently ask, "What do you need me to know?" - Listen without judgment. You don't have to fix anything right now. It might feel awkward at first. That's okay. Like any skill, it takes practice. But over time, you'll start to notice that your pain isn't just a problem to solve. It's a guide. And when you follow it with compassion, it can lead you to a life that feels more meaningful and aligned with who you are. So the next time pain shows up, don't run. Stay. Listen. You might be surprised by what you hear.