What If You Could Step Back From Your Own Struggles?

Emily Johnson · 2026-08-11

Life has a way of throwing curveballs when we least expect them. You're in the middle of your day, things are going fine, and then suddenly a difficult situation lands right in your lap. Maybe it's a tough conversation with a coworker, a family issue that keeps resurfacing, or just the general weight of everything piling up. In those moments, our instinct is often to tighten up, to grip harder, and to push through with sheer willpower. But what if there was a different way? That's where this meditation comes in. It's not about pretending problems don't exist or slapping a positive spin on everything. Instead, it's about building a skill that can genuinely change how you relate to hardship. The practice, led by Rich Fernandez, helps you develop the ability to shift your perspective and, in some ways, to subtract yourself from your own experiences. Sounds a bit abstract, right? Let's break it down. ### What Does It Mean to Subtract Yourself? When you're in the middle of a difficult experience, you're usually right in the thick of it. Your emotions are running hot, your thoughts are spinning, and it feels like the situation is happening *to* you. That's normal. But when you can step back, even just a little, you create space. In that space, you can observe what's happening without being completely consumed by it. You're not detached or cold; you're just present enough to see the bigger picture. This is what Fernandez means by subtracting yourself from the experience. It's like zooming out on a map so you can see the whole route instead of just the pothole right in front of you. ### The Power of Shifting Perspective Think about the last time you were stuck on a problem. You probably went over it again and again in your head, and each time, it felt just as heavy. Now imagine being able to look at that same problem from a different angle. Suddenly, you might notice things you missed before. You might see a solution that was hiding in plain sight, or you might realize the issue isn't as catastrophic as it felt in the moment. That's the gift of perspective. It doesn't make difficulties disappear, but it can make them more manageable. It helps you respond wisely instead of reacting on autopilot. ### How This Builds Your Capacity Here's the thing: this isn't a one-time fix. It's a workout for your mind. Just like lifting weights builds muscle over time, practicing this kind of mindfulness builds your capacity to handle tough situations. Each time you return to the practice, you're strengthening that mental muscle. You're training yourself to pause, to breathe, and to choose your response rather than letting your circumstances choose it for you. - You learn to recognize when you're getting swept up in emotion. - You practice creating a small gap between stimulus and response. - You develop a kinder, more honest relationship with your own struggles. - You start to see difficulty as something you can navigate, not just endure. ### A Practical Approach to Difficulty If you're new to this, it might feel a little uncomfortable at first. That's okay. The point isn't to get it perfect. It's to show up and try. You can start with just a few minutes a day. Find a quiet spot, close your eyes, and let the practice guide you. Over time, you might notice that the same old challenges don't rock you quite as much. You'll still feel them, but you'll also feel a sense of steadiness underneath. And that steadiness is worth its weight in gold. ### Bringing It Into Your Daily Life The real magic happens when you take this off the cushion and into your everyday routine. The next time you're stuck in traffic, or you get an email that makes your stomach drop, or you have a disagreement with someone you love, remember what it felt like to step back. You don't need a special setup to access that space. It's already inside you. All you need is a reminder to pause and shift. That's the practice. That's the skill. And it's one of the most valuable tools you'll ever build for navigating the messy, beautiful, and sometimes difficult journey of being human. So, are you ready to give it a try? Take a deep breath, and let yourself step back for a moment. You might be surprised at what you find.