How to Step Back and Stay Steady When Life Gets Hard

Evelyn Reed · 2026-08-11

Life has a way of throwing curveballs when you least expect them. One minute you're cruising along, and the next, you're facing a health scare, a job loss, or a family crisis. In those moments, our instinct is often to fight, flee, or freeze. But what if there was another way? What if you could build an inner capacity to navigate difficulty with more grace and clarity? That's exactly what Rich Fernandez, a well-known executive coach and mindfulness teacher, explores in a powerful meditation practice. It's not about ignoring your problems or pretending everything is fine. It's about developing a different relationship with the tough stuff so it doesn't swallow you whole. ## The Power of Shifting Your Perspective When we're in the middle of a crisis, our perspective narrows. We can only see the obstacle right in front of us. The meditation guides you to broaden that lens, to see the bigger picture. This doesn't mean the challenge disappears, but it shrinks in size relative to the rest of your life. Think of it like this: if you're standing one foot away from a brick wall, all you see is the brick. But if you take ten steps back, you see the whole building, the street, the sky. The wall is still there, but you're no longer trapped by its presence. This shift in perspective can be a lifeline. ### The Art of Subtracting Yourself One of the most intriguing aspects of this practice is the idea of "subtracting yourself" from your experiences. That sounds a bit odd, right? It's not about being detached or cold. Instead, it's about loosening the grip of the ego, that inner voice that constantly narrates everything as "me," "my," and "mine." When you can step back from that narrative, you realize that your thoughts are just thoughts. They aren't commands. They aren't your identity. This creates a little bit of space between you and the storm, and in that space, you can choose your response instead of just reacting on autopilot. ## How the Practice Works This isn't a quick five-minute fix. It's an extended practice designed to be done when you have time to really sink in. Here's a simple breakdown of what you can expect: - **Settling in**: You start by finding a comfortable seat and tuning into your breath. This anchors you in the present moment. - **Noticing the body**: You scan your body for sensations, especially areas of tightness or tension. This helps you connect the mind and body. - **Observing thoughts**: You practice watching your thoughts like clouds passing in the sky, without getting caught up in them. - **Widening the view**: You intentionally practice shifting your perspective, imagining yourself from a distance or seeing the situation from a different angle. This isn't about forcing a positive mindset. It's about building a muscle of awareness that you can flex when you need it most. ## Building Your Capacity for Wise Action Why does any of this matter? Because when you're less reactive, you make better decisions. You can respond with wisdom instead of fear. You can say the right thing to a loved one instead of lashing out. You can take a practical step forward instead of freezing in place. This capacity doesn't develop overnight. It's like building physical strength at the gym. You have to show up regularly, do the reps, and trust the process. Over time, you'll notice that the same old triggers don't rock you as much. You'll feel a little more grounded, a little more steady. ## A Simple Way to Start If you're ready to begin, you don't need any special equipment. Just find a quiet spot, set aside fifteen to twenty minutes, and give the practice your full attention. You might feel a little restless at first, and that's okay. That's part of the process. Remember, the goal isn't to be a perfect meditator. The goal is to build a relationship with yourself that is kind, honest, and resilient. When you can do that, you'll find that difficulty, while still painful, becomes something you can move through rather than something that stops you in your tracks. So, take a deep breath. Give yourself permission to pause. And trust that with each practice, you're building a stronger, wiser version of yourself, ready to meet whatever life brings your way.